Quotes from rangatahi—barriers to seeking support and what works in supporting rangatahi

What they want adults to know

“I don’t think that previous generations would be able to understand a lot of what younger people are going through. ‘Cause they didn’t grow up with those sorts of ideals, or the dump truck of information on the internet.” TRANS OR GENDER DIVERSE, 16, NZ EUROPEAN

“I would want to let adults know that. One, we aren’t weak. Two, we aren’t dramatic. And three, yes, times have changed. But the idea that we would still want to be heard and that we’re confused and that we don’t truly know our identities during our teen years. That’s never going to change regardless of whether we have social media or if we don’t have social media, people want to be heard. And we just want to be listened to.” FEMALE, 15, ASIAN

F: “Yeah, it's changed, and they always say, "Oh, we know how you feel. We were 14 once, we were 17 once." But our 17 is so different from their 17.” SCHOOL GROUP PARTICIPANTS

“If you tell your parents something, and they say, "Okay, I’m going to tell your teacher," and you're like, "No, I really don’t want that." Sometimes telling a teacher or counsellor just makes things worse.” FEMALE – SCHOOL GROUP

“I feel it should be talked about more but not in the way it is currently” M15 NZE

Barriers to seeking help

“I just feel like I’m being punished more than accepted and helped. That’s exactly what would happen.” M16 NZE

“If you see something worrying you should feel okay to tell someone about it. There shouldn’t be a stigma around it.” M15NZE

“You know how you … have your homeworld; you have your school world; you have your sports world? And it's like three different realms of people that all know a different version of you. I think in the home realm, it's really difficult to talk about hard stuff, because you're always, there and your parents are always going to be there. You can never really shake parents.” FEMALE – SCHOOL GROUP

“Sometimes you just feel rather uncomfortable talking to like a parent or an adult. I personally have really good friends. Like, if I had a problem with something, I know that I could go to them,and I could talk about it. That would help me.” SCHOOL GROUP PARTICIPANT

“Sometimes there’s a miscommunication between "I’m in harm's way and need something done" and 'I just want to talk to you without it affecting my entire life and social circle.” FEMALE –SCHOOL GROUP

“What you just said about getting off social media and stuff, maybe it’s recognising how

unhelpful it is ‘cause it’s just like, “Well, if you weren’t on that damned phone, then you wouldn’t have seen this stuff.” So I imagine if someone was to find objectional content then they wouldn't feel like they could go to their parents, and then what do you do then?” FEMALE – FORMER YOUTH ADVISORY PANEL MEMBER

What works

“I would say people’s personal stories make the most impact. If I can relate to that story, then it’s going to make the biggest difference.” M16NZE

“I think education around it and how it could be damaging and dangerous and how it might not be. Cos there are also positives.. there’s positives and negatives to everything.” M15 NZE

“This big thing in the media about how terrible it is, it doesn’t help at all. It doesn’t help broach that conversation at all.” M17 MĀORI & PACIFIC

“Be more open, have a normal conversation, make it a comfortable topic because it’s important and it’s normal.” F17NZE

“It’s often viewed as if you don’t bring it up then they won’t seek it out. It’s more like if you don’t bring it up, then they won’t seek it out safely.” M Trans NZE

“I think adults don’t quite get it because they’re not our age or my age, or someone younger than me. I’d rather talk to somebody that knows what I’m talking about or has been through it.” FEMALE, 17, MĀORI & NZ EUROPEAN

“Just be calm, don’t be quick to judge or anger, and listen, and don’t push too hard.” FEMALE, 16, NZ EUROPEAN

“Kids are quite embarrassed to talk to adults about problems like that. I think definitely if you have a kid come to you and kind of try to talk to you about their struggles, definitely, just like, try understanding that it’s probably serious, the fact that they’ve come to talk to you about it.” CLINICAL PARTICIPANT

Sources of participant quotes

• M15 NZE / M16 NZE / F15 NZE etc. – Growing Up with Porn (Classification Office, 2020)
• FEMALE, 14, MĀORI, PACIFIC & NZ EUROPEAN / FEMALE, 17, NZ EUROPEAN etc. – Digital Reflections: The Online Experience and its Influence on Youth Body Image in  Aotearoa (Classification Office, 2024)
• SCHOOL GROUP PARTICIPANT / FORMER YOUTH ADVISORY PANEL MEMBER /  COMMUNITY GROUP PARTICIPANTS / CLINICAL PARTICIPANT – Content that Crosses  the Line: Conversations with young people about extremely harmful content online (2025)