What if my child searches for illegal material—such as manifestos, live-streamed violence, suicide content, or child sexual abuse material?

We worked with clinical psychologist Dougal Sutherland from Umbrella Wellbeing to provide safe and clear advice in this resource. 

First, it’s understandable to feel alarmed if you discover that your child has searched for this kind of content. However, it’s important to remember that curiosity is a natural part of growing up. Young people often hear about confronting material online and may search for it without fully understanding the consequences. It’s also developmentally normal for young people to want to shock or elicit a response, whether for humour, to communicate, or to process issues they’re facing. Some may also come across or share content to advocate for or raise awareness about world events.

They may not realise that viewing this content can be deeply distressing or even traumatic, and that once seen, it can be difficult - if not impossible - to forget. They also might not be aware that some of this content is illegal and that sharing it, even with friends or as a joke, can have serious consequences. In some cases, they may share it not out of malice, but as a way to process what they’ve seen and seek support from others.

What should I do if I find my child searching for this content?

Stay calm and approach with curiosity, not punishment
Your child needs to feel safe talking to you. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me what made you interested in looking this up?” or “How did you first hear about this?”

Explain the impact of this content
Help them understand that some material is designed to shock, manipulate, or cause harm. Let them know that seeing these things can affect their mental well-being and that it’s okay to feel unsettled or upset.

Offer support and guidance
If they have already seen something distressing, acknowledge their feelings and let them know they’re not in trouble. Encourage open conversations and, if needed, offer professional support, such as a school counsellor or a helpline.

Encourage critical thinking and media literacy
Teach them to question why certain content exists and who benefits from sharing it. This can help them recognise harmful material and make safer choices online.

Use parental controls and safety tools appropriately.

We have a detailed resource on parental controls over here.

Depending on their age, consider using content filters, safe search settings, or parental controls to reduce their exposure to harmful material. However, it’s important to approach this with your young person rather than something that is happening to them. Doing this together helps create a shared understanding of the need for safety and ensures they don’t feel like it’s a punishment. When parents use punishments, it can encourage young people to find ways to avoid getting caught (like going "underground" with their behaviour), rather than addressing the behaviour itself. Remember, technology alone isn’t the solution; ongoing conversations are key.

Reassure them that they can always talk to you
Let your child know that they won’t get in trouble for being honest and that you’d rather help them navigate the online world than have them feel they need to hide things.

By keeping communication open and judgment-free, you can help your child develop safe and responsible online habits while supporting their emotional well-being.

Discuss the legal and ethical implications
Without scaring them, explain that some content is illegal to view or share. Let them know that laws exist to protect people, especially children, from harmful material.

Further Reading

Banned or illegal content: What is objectionable content?

Classification Office resources for Parents and Whānau (hub)

You’re in control with Parental Controls (resource)

Talking with young people about what they’re watching (resource guide)

How to talk with young people about pornography (resource guide)

Watch with caution: Wellbeing at home and at work (blog)