Supporting young people in a changing online world
Dougal Sutherland, Umbrella Wellbeing on May 5, 2025
We’re told that children are digital natives – and so they’re given technology and expected to be savvy. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that social media is not always a safe space for them. In this guest blog from clinical psychologist Dougal Sutherland he breaks down how to talk with, and support, young people in a changing online world.
As a clinical psychologist who has spent much of my career working with rangatahi and supporting parents, whānau, I know that the release of Content that Crosses the Line report into young people’s experiences with illegal content online is likely to be concerning for many. For some, however, it may not come as a complete surprise.
The digital landscape is changing so quickly, it can feel impossible to keep up. We’re told that children are digital natives – and so they’re given technology and expected to be savvy. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that social media is not always a safe space for them; and the Classification Office – Te Mana Whakaatu’s report highlights that reality.
While this report doesn’t provide statistical data, it does give us an indication of what young people are encountering. It suggests that, while it’s not an everyday experience, many young people are coming across illegal content. Without actively seeking it out, they’re seeing it in their feeds, on messaging apps, or even being shown it by their peers. And that’s incredibly concerning.
When we hear that young people might be exposed to harmful or illegal content, it’s natural to feel anxious. That anxiety can lead to wanting to act quickly; perhaps taking their phone away or even considering “shutting off the internet” entirely. But its important to pause and breathe before reacting.
This advice comes from what we’ve heard directly from young people through youth-focused research, and it’s reflected in this report. What rangatahi have told us is that they’re afraid of being judged or blamed when they encounter harmful content online. Whether it’s online pornography, body image issues, or illegal material, they often think that having their phone taken away feels like a punishment.
I know it is difficult when we hear about these risks, it’s tempting to jump into “fix it” mode and the quickest fix might seem like banning the internet or removing a device. However, that’s probably not going to fix the problem. The internet is literally in the air around us and many young people come across distressing material without meaning to or without it being on their own device (e.g., seeing something on a friend or classmate’s device).
The most powerful response is first to listen. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable, it’s so important to keep the dialogue open. If a young person has seen distressing content it’s really important they can have someone safe to talk to about this experience, someone who they know won’t punish them.
Young people need us to stop, stay calm, and really listen to what they have to say before we act. It’s much like when we were growing up and maybe found something inappropriate; we needed someone to talk to us, without shame or judgment.
Young people have shared in the report that they often feel unsupported when it comes to harmful content. They don’t want to be judged or punished for stumbling upon something disturbing, but instead, they want to feel empowered and supported by trusted adults. They want to know that we’re there to help them navigate these difficult situations.
When we start these conversations, they might not open up right away. They may shut down or give us short responses possibly grunts leaving us pulling our hair out and maybe wanting to give up. But we can look to the young people who’ve bravely shared their experiences with the Classification Office for guidance. These rangatahi have shown that open, judgment-free conversations make a real difference.
Across youth-focused work, and from our Youth Advisory Panel, the message from young people is consistent: no judgment, no blame, and no knee-jerk reactions. What they need is for parents or caregivers to talk with them, create a safe space for them to share, and really listen to what they’re saying they need. Having open dialogue, that evolves with their age and stage, is crucial.
Many of us didn’t grow up as digital natives, and for those of us who had less online exposure in our younger years, the internet today can feel overwhelming. Many parents are unsure of what to say or how to respond without shutting down the conversation. Often the very nature of material they’ve seen means we might not want to hear about it ourselves! So, I’ve worked with the Office to develop some conversation starters to help you engage with your child and build confidence in these important discussions.
You won’t always get it right; and that’s okay. What’s important is showing up, trying again, and engaging in regular, ongoing conversations. It’s better to engage a little and often than to freeze because you’re worried about getting it wrong.
The digital world is moving fast, and it can feel overwhelming at times, but I promise it will get easier the more you practice. Your children will appreciate that you’re trying, even if they don’t show it. At the end of the day, if we don’t talk with our children, listen to them, and give them the space to share what they’re going through, we’re leaving them to face these challenges alone. And that’s something we can’t afford to do.
— Dougal Sutherland, Umbrella Wellbeing
Subscribe to our blog
Stay up to date with the Classification Office blog.
